Why Does Sex Hurt? The Most Common Cause of Painful Sex Women Are Never Told About

If sex hurts, you are not alone—and you are not broken.

Pain with sex is one of the most common concerns women experience, yet it is also one of the least talked about in detail.

Many women are told to relax more, use lubrication, or just “give it time.” While those suggestions can help in some cases, they often miss the real underlying issue.

Most women were never taught this, but one of the most common root causes of pain with sex is pelvic floor dysfunction.

Understanding your body creates confidence.

And understanding where pain actually comes from is the first step toward real healing.

What Pain With Sex Actually Means

Pain during intercourse (also called dyspareunia) is not a diagnosis by itself—it is a symptom.

It tells us something in the system is not functioning optimally.

That “something” is often the pelvic floor muscles.

These muscles play a major role in:

• Supporting pelvic organs
• Stabilizing the core
• Controlling bladder and bowel function
• Allowing comfortable penetration

When something disrupts how these muscles function, pain can occur.

The Pelvic Floor: A Group of Muscles Most Women Never Learn About

The pelvic floor is a layered group of muscles that sits at the base of your pelvis.

It is not one single muscle.

It includes multiple layers that work together to provide support and movement control.

Healthy pelvic floor muscles should be able to:

Contract

Provide support and stability.

Relax

Let go of unnecessary tension.

Lengthen

Adapt to stretch, pressure, and penetration.

When this balance is disrupted, discomfort can appear during intimacy.

Why Dysfunction Leads to Pain With Sex

When pelvic floor muscles are not functioning well, they may remain in a partially tightened state.

This means they are not fully relaxing or lengthening when needed.

So when penetration occurs, the muscles may respond as if they are being pushed beyond their comfortable range.

This can create:

• Burning sensations
• Sharp or stabbing pain
• Tightness or pressure
• Difficulty with penetration
• Fear or anticipation of pain

This is not weakness.

It is a protective response.

Myth Busting: Pain Means Something Is Wrong Structurally

One of the biggest fears women have is:

“What if something is physically wrong with me?”

Myth: Pain with sex always means injury

Reality: Many cases involve muscle coordination and nervous system sensitivity, not structural damage.

Myth: You just need to relax more

Reality: The pelvic floor cannot relax on command if it is in a protective state.

Myth: Everyone experiences pain at first

Reality: Pain is common, but not something to normalize or ignore.

You deserve better than fear-based explanations.

Root Cause: Why the Pelvic Floor Becomes Dysfunctional

Pelvic floor dysfunction can develop due to:

• Stress or anxiety
• Previous painful experiences
• Childbirth or trauma
• Chronic muscle guarding
• Lack of education about pelvic health

Over time, the muscles may learn to stay “on” instead of fully relaxing.

This creates a cycle:

1. Anticipation of pain
2. Muscle tightening
3. Pain during sex
4. Increased fear next time

Breaking this cycle requires addressing both muscles and the nervous system.

What Healing Actually Requires

Healing is not about forcing the body to tolerate pain.

It is about restoring normal muscle function:

• Relaxation
• Coordination
• Lengthening ability
• Comfort with touch

The goal isn’t temporary relief—it’s long-term strength and confidence.

Action Steps

1. Stop blaming yourself

Pain is not a personal failure.

2. Learn how your pelvic floor works

Education reduces fear and confusion.

3. Avoid pushing through pain

Pain reinforces protective responses.

4. Pay attention to patterns

Notice when pain shows up and what your body feels beforehand.

5. Seek pelvic floor physical therapy & reach out to Beyond the V

Click here to fill out a Your Pelvic Floor’s (or Core) Next Step form for a personalized answer from our team!

Pain with sex is common—but it is not something you are meant to just accept.

For many women, pelvic floor dysfunction plays a major role in discomfort during intimacy.

Your body is not broken.

Most women were never taught how deeply connected muscle function, nervous system responses, and intimacy truly are.

But when you understand your body, everything changes.

If you’re ready to stop guessing and start understanding your body, fill out this form to create the first step in a personalized plan that addresses the root cause—not just the symptoms.